Aztec Poi Fusian

So, I have had a problem with performing, and I have avoided it at all costs over the past few years. It makes me wheezy to think about, and for some reason, I disconnect from my body and freak out.

On Saturday night, I put myself to the test and did something that I hadn't done since 8th grade. I got up in front of everyone, and performed in the Latina Cultural Show at Wellesley College. Now, when I say everyone, I mean a full auditorium of a few hundred people. How many people? More than there were seats. There were people sitting on the floor in the front, up and down the aisles, and standing in the doorways.

My fingers shook, my breath was fast, I was hyperventilating; I thought I was going to pass out. The 3 minutes seemed to take ages. I thought I would die.

People screamed when we came out. I heard my name being said said. They screamed throughout the performance. They screamed at the end.

I slowly walked off stage, convinced I was going to keel over.
I burst out crying. From the adrenaline. From the anxiety. From the emotion. From all of it.

I am never performing again.
Ever.